she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
