I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
