i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
