he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
