sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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