hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
