I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
