if you like me you must not know who I am
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
