A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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