around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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