wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
