i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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