just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
im holly from the hills drunk
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
