There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up under a house in Key West
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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