I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
