I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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