So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
