for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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