I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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