Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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