Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
