It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
