as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This is my gift to your gina
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
