We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
