why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize