Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
