With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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