No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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