I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
