**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
