Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
