I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
