I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
