Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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