you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize