no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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