He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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