Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
