I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
