At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
