I feel great
I just peed on a car
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't deserve a penis
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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