last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
