My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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