Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
