Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
