Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
