my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
