You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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