You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
