Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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