thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
