Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
