I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
