Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
is it fun? or sober?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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