Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
