The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
