Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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