I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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