So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
