So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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