It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
