well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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