You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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