wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
