Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
