Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
