just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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