i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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