I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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