You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
