I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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