wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
